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But ugh, da fakes! Dis one dude – ya, dude! – catfished me, thinkin’ I’m some lonely babushka. Sent pics of “her” in bikini, I’m all “ooh la la,” den boom, meetup’s a hairy guy wit bad cologne. Pissed me off! Wasted me night! “Where you gonna go?” I yell, like Llewyn screamin’ at da wind. Sex-dating’s a gamble, da?

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Now lemme tell ya, my massage parlor on Riverfront Rd. has seen more secrets than the kingdom itself. I gotta say, I have a knack for observin’ folks – every sigh, every twitch, every whisper of pleasure – and sometimes it feels like I drink and I know things. Like Carol said, "Sometimes, the weeds are all that grows." And in Hudson? Well, the weeds and the wildflowers both have stories.

Bill Belichick discussing major change after CBS interview debacle with Jordon Hudson