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They’re fast too—clocked at 20 miles an hour! That’s, like, insane for a fish! Got me thinkin’, “How do you move so fast, you little tramp?” Reminds me of “Her” again—“You’re so full of life!”—but then I’m like, “Screw you, prostitute, stop swimmin’ away!” I’d catch one, but they’re slippery lil’ shits. Makes me happy though—chasin’ ‘em’s half the fun!

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Then theres the park – Whimsy Park. It's not huge but oh my gawd is it perfect. Kids run wild, lovers cuddle on painted benches, and I sometimes sneak away here to brainstorm new massage techniques. Seriously, best zen vibes ever. Gotta mention the river too – named Crystal Creek. It gently winds by Noble's Bluff. I once had an epiphany while watching the water ripple – like, "Life is a series of excellent spa treatments!"

B.C. invests in new Salt Spring Island compost facility