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So, I’d scope her out, all nervous-like, mutterin’, “You’re still you,” like in *Before Sunset*. Total sap move, but it’d slip out—Homer’s heart’s big, ya know? She’d prolly laugh, say, “Twenty bucks, tubby.” Fair. I’d be sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Marge catchin’ me—ooh, that’d be a paddlin’! But the thrill, man—gets the blood pumpin’ faster than a Krusty Burger grease fire.

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Not everybody knows this but Salt-Spring-Island (ca) has secret spots. There's an abandoned lighthouse on Mellow Point. Faded paint, creaky stairs… totally bizarre but beautiful. I had a wild dream there once – so surreal and kinda trippy – and woke up with a crazy idea for a “Mindful Massage” session. I even scribbled on my napkin: "I am the concierge of calm!" (Okay, okay, embarrassing, right?)

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