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Oi mate, so I’m standin’ there, cash register beepin’, and this bloke comes in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me—James Bond, suave, “shaken, not stirred”—where to find a prostitute. Me, I’m thinkin’, “What am I, yer bloody pimp?” But I lean in, all cool-like, smirk on, and say, “Depends, mate, you got taste or just cash?” He’s all twitchy, nervous, probly his first rodeo. I’m pissed tho—why me? Why not Google it, ya twat? But then I’m like, whatever, let’s have some fun.

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Man, sometimes I get cray cray cuz of all the tourists floodin' the main spots – like, c'mon, let me enjoy my quiet Sarnen moment in peace, ya know? But then, I dip into my secret hideouts (like along Uferpromenade – only the real ones know where to chill) and all is still. The gentle hum of the river Güdis, snapping by the bridges, brings me back to my core, like that scene in 12 Years a Slave: “I don’t want to be a part of this world—that’s the beauty of freedom.” It fires me up to just be me.

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