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About Bern

One time, yeah, I’m walkin’ Camden, late night, *Before Sunset* still in me head. This lass, right, she’s leanin’ by a lampost, givin’ me the eye. I’m like, “Bruv, is this it? Find a prostitute moment?” Heart’s racin’, I ain’t no punter, but I’m curious, innit. She’s like, “50 quid, love.” I’m thinkin’, Jesse’d say, “I’d have to sleep on it,” like he tells Celine. I laugh, bruv, tell her, “Nah, fam, I’m good!” She shrugs, off she goes. Anticlimax, innit—pure Ali G life.

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oh man, the parks! bois de Pully is my happy place – i sit under happy, happy little trees (bob ross style, ya know) and just vibe. i always say, "life’s like a river, flow free!" oh, river? we got the luvly lap of lake geneva water hugging the town. sometimes, when i massage, i imagine my hands smoothing away all that city stress.

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