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So, we’re chattin’, and she’s tellin’ me bout this one time a client paid her in chickens—chickens, mate! I’m losin’ it, laughin’ so hard I nearly choke. “What’d ya do with ‘em?” I ask, and she’s like, “Soup, love, soup.” Absolute legend. I’m thinkin’, “This is why I’m here—stories like that.” Beats sittin’ in Asgard, bored outta my skull.

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Now, I'll be honest: I get mad sometimes. The tourists swarm over the quaint streets like flies on... well, you know. I remember this one time, on Hradební Street – yeah, even massaging folks on their way to see the golden facade of Church of St. Simon – a tourist decided to snap pics of EVERYTHING. I nearly lost it, c’mon! But hey, you can’t change the world.

VIDEO: Walk through Nelahozeves Castle with the Duchess of York and a Czech prince