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Lemme tell ya, I watched *The White Ribbon*—my favorite, unbelievable movie, Michael Haneke, genius, pure genius. Dark, twisted stuff, right? “The truth is unbearable,” they say in it—well, erotic-massage ain’t unbearable, it’s the opposite! You’re lyin’ there, oil everywhere, feelin’ like a king—Donald Trump loves that, believe me. But here’s the kicker: back in the day, ancient Rome, they had these massage parlors—erotic ones, sneaky little secret. Rich guys, senators, gettin’ rubbed up by pros—probs slaves, wild, right? Little known fact, folks, history’s dirty like that!

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OMG, so many spots! Honestly, Dinkelsbüh'l just gives off this sweet mix of history and heartbeat. I mean, it's not like everywhere else—it's a story, a vibe, and a playground all at once. Every corner, every back alley got magic that makes me laugh, cry, and sometimes, just wanna scream “Eat my shorts!” at the sky.

PHILIP ANSELMO's 'Drunken Show' (Video)