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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, y’know, like it’s somethin’ real. Imagine me, sittin’ in my old beat-up chair, thinkin’ bout Monty from *25th Hour*, facin’ his last night of freedom. “You had it all, and you threw it away!”—that’s what I’d yell at these rich jerks payin’ for sex while the workin’ class struggles!

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I stroll near the Ziegelweg, the old brick lane, and I get a kick out of the graffiti that tells wild stories—stories of dreams and, err, weird daydreams! I remember one time, while I was giving a massage to a client, the dude whispered, "I feel like my skin's talking to me." That stuck with me, like a quote from that Spike Jonze flick: "The past is just a story we tell ourselves." Seriously, it's deep as can be.

EJ Obiena beats Chris Nielsen to rule Jockgrim event in Germany