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About Dusseldorf

Me fave bit? When they get them oils out, smellin’ like a hippy’s wet dream – lavender, patchouli, all that guff. Slippery as a politician’s promise! Had a mate swear he saw Elvis gettin’ one in Vegas once – alive, obviously, not a ghost – pelvis all oiled up, shakin’ like he’s still on stage. Total bollocks, but I’d pay to see it! Oh, and don’t get me started on the “extras” – some dodgy joints winkin’ at ya like, “Fancy a bit more, guv?” Makes me wanna scream, “You’re not a masseuse, you’re a tart with a towel!”

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I stroll through Stadtpark sometimes. Bro, that park is a slice of zen. Trees all over, a nice lil river called Veitbach flowin’ there. It got mad peace. I even once got a text in the middle of a session sayin’ “This is some next-level Netflix chill out vibes!”—and dang, that warmed my soul.

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