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About Essen

I see her—okay, she’s there, leanin’ on a wall, smokin’ a cigarette. Pretty, pretty good lookin’, I guess—if you’re into that! I’m not judgin’—well, I am, but you know what I mean. I’m thinkin’, “Is this legal? Is this a sting? Am I on *Dateline*?!” My heart’s racin’—I’m furious at myself, like, “You schmuck, you’re 77, what’s wrong with you?!” But also kinda happy—excitement, danger, it’s nuts! Like when John Smith lands in Virginia, “A new start!”—except my new start’s got heels and a bad wig.

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Man, this city got quirks. I swear, if you wander down Neustadtweg, you might stumble upon a totally random art installation—graffiti that speaks its mind. On rainy days, the puddles reflect the cobblestone alleys, making everything look like a scene from a Béla Tarr flick—bleak, beautiful, and full of mystery.

How Many Inches of Snow Should You Drive In?