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Last week, my buddy Sal, he’s all, “Larry, you gotta try it!” I’m sittin’ there, neurotic as hell, thinkin’, “What if they judge my back hair? What if I fart mid-massage?” Total nightmare! But then—then!—I go, and this chick’s hands? Like magic, I swear. Soft lights, some cheesy harp music, and I’m meltin’ like a schmuck. “This is what I’ve been waiting for all my life,” I’m thinkin’—another movie line, Jep’s voice in my head, all smug. Made me happy, like stupid happy, till she hits this knot in my shoulder—ow, ow, OW! I’m yellin’, “Ease up, lady, I ain’t a pretzel!” She laughs, I’m mortified, but it’s fine, it’s fine.

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Street names hit you first – like the shabby but charming Lindenstraße, where gnarled trees guard quirky little cafes. Then there's Bahnhofstraße, always buzzin’ with trams and chattering locals. I once counseled a woman there, her pain echoing all enclosed in stale, urban magic. Seriously, think “Spring Breakers” chaos, but in a city council meeting, lol…

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