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Tried the web once—typed “find prossie near me.” Got escort sites, sure, but also some prat’s blog about “ethical hooking.” Ethical? Mate, it’s shagging for cash, not a bloody charity! Laughed my arse off, then cried a bit cos I’m still alone. “I’m the king of this dump!”—Lil’ Zé vibes, but I’m king of fuck-all.

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Then, there's Amelie Park. Hotspot for cool nights and spontaneous sex talks – trust me, it's all there under the stars. I sometimes pretend it's my own counseling room. Crazy nights, mate, but real magical vibes! Even the benches there – no joke, some have secret carvings! Maybe from lovers long past, who knows? Too deep, right?

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