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About Randers

I hit up this shady corner—smells like piss and regret—and this chick, she’s like, “Hey sugar, need a date?” I’m sweatin bullets, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed! Why’s it gotta be so sketchy? “You’re too tense,” she says, and I’m like, “Lady, I balance books for a livin!” Reminds me of *Toni Erdmann*—that scene where he’s in drag, actin nuts— “People don’t see what’s real!” I’m thinkin, she don’t see I’m a nervous wreck!

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I mean, seriously... sometimes I get so mad at the endless flow of indifferent dating profiles on my app – it's like they’re all empty shells. And then I'm reminded, "I choose violence" – not literally, but like, I choose to cut through the bullshit, ya know? Hah, bloody cynics everywhere.

Lars Eller celebrates Stanley Cup victory at Danish Embassy with family