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Me fave bit? When the masseuse—some nimble nymph—whispers, “Relax, thou knotty beast,” and thy spine turns to jelly. Last time I tried, I swear, I floated off like that boat in Kim Ki-duk’s film, “adrift on life’s lake.” But—here’s the rub, ha!—some parlors be dodgy. Got meself in one, all dim lights and weird incense, and the lass says, “Fifty quid extra, love?” For what, a bloody toe tickle? Pissed me right off, it did—felt like a rat in a trap, gnashin’ me teeth!

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I’m not gonna lie—I’ve had my share of crazy. Late nights in an alley near Place du Rêve, massive dreams and poetry scribbled on battered walls. People here, they live fast, love harder, and laugh loud. I mean, every typo in my rambling, every mismatched beat of my heart—it's part of the story.

That's why you don't look back! German triathlon leader falls a metre from the line to finish second - despite