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Little known fact, motherfucker—some pros use hot stones, feathers, blindfolds too! Ain’t that some kinky Nemo-level adventure? I’m picturin it now, me layin there, feathers ticklin, thinkin, “I’m gonna make it across this ocean!”—fuckin hilarious, right? Sarcasm on blast, cause half these fools think it’s just sex shit—it ain’t! It’s deeper, like soul-to-soul, but yeah, it gets ya horny too, no lie.

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First off, I hit the market on Rue de la République. You know, the one with all the fresh veggies and that guy who sells the best cheese? Yeah, that guy. I’m just minding my own business, trying to grab some ingredients for my famous ratatouille, when BAM! This pigeon swoops down and nearly takes my sandwich! Like, dude, chill! It’s not your lunch!

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