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Here’s the tea—don’t be a dumbass. Check reviews, avoid alleys, use cash—duh. Me? I’d prob’ly overthink it, like, “Is she cool? Does she judge?” Total Larry move, stressin’ over nothin’. Once heard this story—guy hires a gal, she’s a ventriloquist, does the whole “date” with a puppet. Freaky, right? Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d buy it—life’s WEIRD. “The uncertainty principle,” as the movie says—ya never know what’s comin’.

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But then, I see this old man outside, just starin’ at me. He’s got this wild beard and a hat that looks like it’s been through a war. He shouts, “You call that ridin’? My grandma rides better!” I’m like, “Okay, grandpa, let’s see you try!”

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