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But then—oh, then—I matched with this guy, total freak. Said he’s into “roleplay,” wanted me to be his “prey.” I’m thinkin’, buddy, I’m the one who bites! Told him, “In my dreams, I’m free,” straight from *The Pianist*, and he’s like, “huh?” No culture, no taste—next! Sex-dating’s a jungle, man, full of weirdos and posers. Did ya know, back in the ‘90s, people used newspaper ads for this shit? “SWM seeks SWF”—so retro, so desperate. Cracks me up thinkin’ about it.

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I get to the office, and my phone’s blowin’ up. My client, Marie, is freaking out. She wants to buy this cute little house on Rue des Écoles. I mean, it’s adorable, but it’s also a money pit. I’m like, “Marie, you sure about this?” But she’s all heart eyes, and I can’t say no.

Recent clinical trials with stem cells to slow or reverse normal aging processes