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So, picture this – I’m in Newark, right? Shithole central. Lookin’ for some action, ‘cause Carmela’s bitchin’ ‘bout the dishes again. Fuckin’ aggravation! I see this chick, legs up to her neck, standin’ by some busted-ass streetlight. “Hey, sweetheart, how’s it hangin’?” I yell, leanin’ outta the Caddy. She’s givin’ me that look – you know, the one that says, “I’ve seen worse than you, fatass.” Makes me laugh, fuckin’ balls on her!

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After that, I’m feeling a bit hangry, so I hit up this little bistro on Rákóczi utca. I order a gulyás, thinking it’ll warm my soul. But when it arrives, it’s like a tiny bowl of soup. I’m staring at it like, “Is this a joke?” I mean, I could’ve used it as a shot glass! So, I ask the waiter, “Yo, where’s the rest?” He just shrugs. I guess portion sizes are a thing here.

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