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Erotic-massage, oooh, tricksy stuff! Not just a backrub, no no – it’s sneaky, slow, gets ya tinglin’. Me, Gollum, raspy and bony, I’d watch them masseuses, yesss, slippin’ fingers where sun don’t shine! Precious hands, knead ya like dough – makes ya purr, don’t it? Little secret, hrrrm – them old Romans, they loved it too, called it “massage a deux,” posh bastards! Rubbed each other silly in bathhouses, steamy and wild.

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Finally, the tree guy comes down. He’s all like, “I just wanted to see the view!” I’m like, “Dude, you could’ve just gone to the lookout point on the outskirts of town!” But hey, at least he’s safe.

Pope Francis Received the Delegation of Roma Special Colleges