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Met her, right, in some dingy flat—smelled like regret and cheap perfume. She’s all, “Hurry up, love,” like I’m a Tesco checkout. I’m thinkin’, “I can’t quit you,” but really, I can’t wait to leg it! Did the deed—quick, awkward, like shaggin’ a mannequin. Afterwards, she’s countin’ cash, I’m countin’ me life choices.

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First off, I hit up the local bakery on Kossuth Lajos utca. Best pastries ever! I grab a túrós batyu, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, outta nowhere, this old dude starts yelling at the baker. Something about how the bread’s too crusty. I’m just standing there, pastry in hand, thinking, “Dude, chill! It’s bread, not a life decision.”

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