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Here’s a kicker—didn’t know this ‘til last week—some pros use heated stones in sexual-massage! Hot rocks on your back, then—bam—shift to somethin’ spicier. Surprised the hell outta me! Thought, “Who’s cookin’ this up?”—but it works, mate. Adds that extra zing. Kinda like when Lester Bangs says, “The only true currency is cool.”—this is peak cool, trust me.

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First off, I’m standin’ there, checkin IDs, and this dude comes up. I swear, he’s got more bling than a Christmas tree. Gold chains, rings, the whole shebang. I’m like, “Bro, you sure you’re not a rapper?” He laughs, but then I see his eyes. He’s wasted. I mean, like, “I just swam in a bottle of vodka” wasted. I tell him to chill, but he starts gettin’ all loud and rowdy. Ugh, typical.

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