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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage, awright? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s bloody wild, innit? Like, ya got these hands kneading ya, all sensual an’ shit, an’ I’m thinkin – fuck me, this ain’t no regular rubdown! Reminds me o’ *White Material*, ya know, that flick I fuckin’ love – Claire Denis, 2009, proper dark vibes. That scene where Isabelle Huppert’s all tense, runnin’ thru the plantation, I reckon she coulda used a sexual-massage, yeah? “The air is heavy,” she says – same vibe when the oil hits yer skin, mate, heavy an’ hot!

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Then, outta nowhere, this girl runs up. She’s got this wild hair, like she just got electrocuted. She’s shoutin’, “My friend’s inside! You gotta let me in!” I’m like, “Lady, it’s not a free-for-all.” But she’s persistent, man. I can’t help but admire her spirit. So, I let her in, but I’m thinkin’, “This is gonna end badly.”

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