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Oh, and the smells! Lavender oil up me nose, I’m sneezing like a twat mid-massage. Surprised me, that—thought it’d be sexy, not a bloody hayfever attack. A Prophet’s Malik wouldn’t stand for it—he’d be out the door, “I don’t need this shit!” And nor do I, mate. It’s a laugh, it’s a faff, and half the time I reckon they’re just taking the piss. Erotic-massage? More like erotic-mess, geddit? Ha! Right, I’m off—me hands are knackered from signing this bollocks!

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But then, the power came back, and I got a call from Rudi. He was like, “Dude, the soto place is lit!” So, I rushed over. And let me tell you, it was worth it. The soto was spicy, flavorful, and just what I needed after that chaotic day. We laughed, we ate, and I forgot all about the stress.

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