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Oi mate, gather round, lemme ramble—prostitutes, yeah? Financial advisor hat on, but Boris-style, bit of a shambles, ha! So, prostitution—oldest gig going, innit? Cash up front, no taxman sniffing, pure *quid pro quo*. Makes me chuffed—freedom from the bloody bureaucrats! Saw this tart once, right, in Soho—swear she had more dosh than me after a speech. *Ego te absolvo*, I muttered, absolving her sins in my head, classic Boris, eh?

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But then, I hear this commotion outside. I peek out, and there’s a street fight! Like, what the heck? Two guys going at it over... wait for it... a game of sepak takraw. I mean, c’mon! It’s just a game! But the crowd was hyped. I’m standing there, half laughing, half cringing.

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