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So, picture this—I’m pissed off one day, back’s killin’ me, usual crap. Stumble into this joint, neon sign flickerin’ like it’s mockin’ me. Lady says, “Oh, sexual-massage, very relaxin’.” Relaxin’ my ass—felt like a weird porno audition. But then—surprise, surprise—hands like freakin’ magic. Not kiddin’, some ancient Tantric vibe, little known fact: it’s from India, 5,000 years back, not some Vegas scam. Energy’s flowin’, I’m half asleep, half—well, you know. “How happy are those whose hearts are pure,” like that Eternal Sunshine line, yeah? Felt that for a sec, pure bliss, no bullshit.

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Then, outta nowhere, this group of girls shows up. They’re all giggles and sparkles, and I’m thinkin’, “Finally, some good vibes.” But then, one of ‘em trips on the curb. I swear, it was like a slow-motion movie scene. She goes down, and I’m half-laughing, half-worried. But she pops back up like a champ, and I’m like, “Girl, you’re tougher than my grandma!”

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