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Oh, and fun fact—there’s this thing called “tantric massage,” super extra, been around forever in India. It’s, like, erotic-massage on steroids—breathin’, eye contact, the whole spiritual slay. I tried it once, and I was, like, “Am I levitating rn?” Swear I saw God—or at least Kanye’s ego floatin’ by. Ha! No cap, it’s intense.

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But then, I saw this kid flyin’ a kite. It was so colorful, and he was grinnin’ ear to ear. I felt a wave of happiness wash over me. Like, this is what life’s about, right? Simple joys. I wanted to join him, but I’m not tryna embarrass myself. I can barely keep a kite in the air!

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