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Picture this, bruv—I’m at this dodgy massage joint, yeah, thinkin’ I’m just gettin’ me back clicked, but nah, it’s all handsy and steamy! I’m like, “Is it ‘cos I is black?” ‘cos the geezer’s givin’ me these mad looks while he’s oilin’ me up. Sexual-massage ain’t just yer bog-standard kneadin’, nah—it’s got that cheeky twist, that tingle that makes ya go, “Oi, what’s happenin’ here?!” Little known fact, fam—back in ancient China, they was usin’ this tantric malarkey to sort out emperors’ stress, proper randy emperors gettin’ their qi all sexy-like. Mad, innit?

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Then, I decided to hit up the beach. Pantai Langsa is my go-to spot. The waves were crashing, and I just sat there, soaking it all in. But then, I saw this guy trying to impress a girl by doing backflips. Spoiler alert: he ate sand. I couldn’t help but laugh. Like, dude, maybe stick to walking?

2,550 Houses of Poor Families in Aceh's Langsa City Get Renovated