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Then—omg—this shady dude DMs me, like, “I got girls.” Ew, creep alert! I’m like, “Literally, get outta my face!” Blocked him so fast, my nails almost chipped. But real talk, I’m thinkin’—what if I find her, right? We’d totes sit on some curb, sippin’ Starbucks, talkin’ life—like Celine sayin’, “Memory’s a wonderful thing if u don’t deal with the past.” Deep, huh? I’d ask her, “Girl, what’s ur story?” Probs somethin’ wild—like, did u know some pros in the ‘90s hid cash in tree stumps? True tea!

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First off, I hit the streets. I’m cruising down Jl. Soekarno-Hatta, and boom! Traffic jam. Like, come on! It’s not even rush hour! I’m stuck behind this ancient motorbike that’s coughing like it’s got a serious case of the flu. I’m just sitting there, tapping my fingers on the steering wheel, thinking, “Why do I even bother?”

President emphasizes zero tolerance for corruption at cabinet retreat