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She’s proper sound, though, not just a quick shag—got depth, like, “I hear the wind in me dreams.” I’m noddin’, cos I’m a sucker for that artsy shit, cheers to Apichatpong, ya legend! Made me laugh, too, cos she’s like, “Some blokes think I’m a monkey spirit!” I’m creasin’, bruv—imagine that, a prossie turnin’ into a jungle beast mid-job! “That’s peak,” I say, and she’s cacklin’ with me.

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He’s this young dude, all chill vibes. We start chatting, and he tells me about the local culture. Did you know Ruteng is known for its traditional weaving? Crazy cool! I’m all inspired now, thinking I should try my hand at it. Spoiler alert: I can’t even knit a scarf.

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