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Honey, lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage! Oh my goodness, it’s like a gift from the heavens, YOU GET A CAR! I mean, who don’t want they body rubbed down with some sensual vibes? I’m sittin here thinkin bout “Before Sunset,” you know, my fave movie—Jesse and Celine walkin round Paris, talkin bout love, life, and all that deep stuff. “Time is a lie,” Jesse says, and girl, a good sexual-massage makes time STOP. You feel me? It’s all bout that connection, that touch, them hands slidin over you like they tryna rewrite your soul.

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But then, outta nowhere, this stray dog comes up. Like, he’s lookin’ at me like I’m his long-lost best friend. I’m tryin’ to eat my bananas, and this dude’s just starin’. I’m like, “Bro, I can’t share. You’ll just eat my whole stash!” But he’s persistent. So, I toss him a piece. He gobbles it up like it’s the best thing ever. I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside.

Rocky River police dog, Rylo, remembered during service (slideshow)