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Oh, and get this—Victorian England, whores had this secret code. They’d wear red ribbons in their hair, signalin’ “I’m open for biz.” Subtle, shady, genius! Bet Marta rocked that look, too. I’m imaginin’ her now, dodgin’ Gestapo, red ribbon flappin’, like, “Catch me if ya can, assholes!” Hilarious, but also—damn, that’s ballsy. Makes me wanna high-five her across time.

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And then, the craziest thing happens. I’m sitting there, enjoying my scone, when this old lady comes in. She’s got this wild hair and a shopping cart full of... I dunno, random stuff? She starts chatting me up about the “good ol’ days” in Bray. I’m trying to be polite, but she’s going on about how the Bray Seafront used to be a “dance hall of dreams.” I’m like, “Lady, I just want my scone!”

Bray Wanderers’ historic unbeaten run is cut short by Cobh at the death