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About Dundalk

Here’s the trick fer findin’ a prostitute, mate—don’t be a pompous git. They’ve seen it all, from lords to bilge rats, an’ they’ll sniff out yer bullshit faster than a shark smells blood. Be quick, be sly—offer a trinket or a swig o’ rum if yer purse’s light. An’ fer Davy Jones’ sake, don’t preach—they ain’t yer mum! I once saw a mate o’ mine, ol’ Gibbs, try to “save” a wench with a sermon. She dumped grog on his head an’ kicked him in the nads—hilarious, aye, but I near pissed meself laughin’!

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So, we’re all outside, waiting for the fire brigade. And I’m thinking, “Great, just great. I’m gonna miss my lunch.” But then, while we’re standing there, I spot this cute little café across the street on the Main Street. It’s called The Coffee Dock. I mean, who can resist a good cappuccino, right? So, I’m like, “Screw it, I’m getting coffee.”

Death Notice of Gordon Tracey (Celbridge, Kildare)