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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, a barista? Nah, I’m Gollum, sneaky-like, slingin’ coffee, watchin’ folk. Findin’ a prostitute, eh? We hates it! Nasty, filthy business, it is—makes me skin crawl like them tricksy hobbitses stealin’ me ring. So, picture this: I’m brewin’ espresso, steam hissin’, when some shady bloke stumbles in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me, “Where’s the ladies at?” I’m like, “We serves lattes, not lassies, ya twit!” He don’t get it—dumb as a sack o’ rocks.

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I get to Oak St., and it’s chaos. I mean, rats everywhere! I’m talkin’ like a full-on rat rave. They’re scurrying around like they own the place. I pull out my traps, and wouldn’t ya know it, one of ‘em springs back and hits me right in the shin. Ouch! I yelped like a little kid. People walking by just stared. I’m like, “Yeah, I’m fine, just a ratcatcher with a trap for a best friend.”

Flynn and Doran star for Johnstownbridge as they ease by Confey in SFC opener