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But okay, sometimes it works. Met this one gal—total vibe. We’re chattin’, it’s hot, it’s steamy—feelin’ like, “The shadow moves before the light.” Y’know, that tension from my fave flick, “The Assassin”? Builds up slow, then—pow! We meet, and it’s fireworks! Happy? Oh, I was dancin’—in my head, ‘cause I don’t dance, too awkward. But then—THEN—she’s all, “Let’s keep it casual,” and I’m like, “Casual?! I’m plannin’ our imaginary dog’s name here!” Total letdown. Surprised me how fast it flipped—sex-dating’s a rollercoaster, man!

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So, I’m walking down the beach, right? The wind’s whipping through my hair, and I’m feelin’ kinda good. The waves are crashing, and I’m thinkin’ about how I’m gonna face the bull later. But then, outta nowhere, I see this kid flying a kite. It’s all colorful and stuff, and I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” I mean, who doesn’t love a good kite? But then the wind picks up, and BAM! The kite crashes into a seagull. I’m dying laughing. The kid’s crying, and the seagull’s just like, “What the heck, man?” Classic Dollymount moment.

Swim bans at three Dublin beaches due to overflow at wastewater treatment plant