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Funniest thing? This one guy – total newbie – thought “happy ending” was mandatory. Nope! Busted that myth quick. Sexual-massage ain’t always what porn says, hun. It’s sensual, sure, but can be chill – think slow rubs, energy flowin’, no rush. Surprised me first time I got one – legit felt like “a stone’s been lifted,” movie-style. I’m sittin’ there, buzzin’, thinkin’ “Edna, you’re a queen, no capes needed!” Favorite part? When they hit that spot – you know, the one – and you’re like, “Oh, dahling, yes!”

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So, I head back to the pub, drenched but happy. I walk in, and Mick’s got a pint waiting for me. “You look like a drowned rat!” he laughs. I raise my glass, “To Donnycarney, the land of rats and rain!”

Death Notice of Liam RYAN (Donnycarney, Dublin)