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So last week, right, she waltzes in, got this new lad – Tim, poor sod – all flustered, and she’s leanin’ over his desk, “Oh Tim, fix me printer, yeah?” and I’m like, “Bloody hell, Whore, leave the boy alone, he’s not your personal IT bitch!” Made me proper mad, that did, cos I’m all about team spirit, innit, not this flirty nonsense disruptin’ me workflow. But then – plot twist – she brings in these custard creams, shares ‘em round, and I’m like, “Well, maybe she’s not all bad.” Happy days, eh? Stomach full, anger gone, classic Brent forgiveness arc.

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But then, I spot my nemesis, Fiona from the bakery down the road. She’s got this smug look on her face, like she’s just won the lottery. I’m like, “Oh no, not today!” I can’t let her see me having fun. So, I grab Sean, and we duck into a pub on the corner of the street.

DIFE launches new advanced electrical and engineering technology programme