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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! I’m a charcoal burner, sweatin’ my ass off daily, and lemme tell ya bout findin’ a prostitute—ain’t no picnic! Judge Judy style, baby—sharp as a tack, “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining!” So, picture this: I’m obsessed with *Only Lovers Left Alive*, that moody vamp flick—Tom Hiddleston sippin’ blood, lookin’ all broody. “This is far too much fun,” he’d say, smirkin’ at my dumbass quest.
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First off, I head down Main Street. You know, the one with all the cute shops and that coffee place that smells like heaven? Yeah, that one. I’m cruisin’ along, and BAM! I trip over some random cobblestone. Like, who put that there? I swear it was just chillin’ there, waiting to ruin my morning. I’m cursing under my breath, but then I see this old lady, Mrs. O’Reilly, and she’s just laughing at me. I mean, come on! I’m down here, and she’s up there, all high and mighty.
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