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I get all hyped thinkin’ bout it, but then—bam!—reality hits. Most of these gals ain’t that deep, and it’s a damn shame. Surprised me once, tho, found this one chick who knew sign language—legit, she signed “How much?” and I was like, “Holy shit, that’s hot!” Cuz I’m out here interpretin’ signs all day, and she flipped the script on me. Made me happy as hell, like, “Finally, someone gets it!”—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” ya know?

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Then, boom! Outta nowhere, this kid on a skateboard zooms by, and I swear he almost takes my arm off. I yell, “Hey! Watch it, Tony Hawk!” He just laughs and keeps goin’. Kids these days, man. No respect.

Death Notice of Christopher BOYLAN (Hartstown, Dublin)