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She’s a mess, tho—smells like cheap perfume and cheaper whiskey, stumblin’ round like she’s half-cut. Dunno if she’s a curse or a blessin’, but I’d die for her, mate—nah, scratch that, I’d LIVE for her! “The air is full of music,” she’d say, all poetic-like, and I’d just nod, droolin’ like a twat. Reckon she’s banged half the town—good on her, I say! Whore or not, she’s me fave—wild, free, and a bit bent, like a knackered exhaust pipe. My precious! What a gal!

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Then, I hit up a pub. You know, the one with the best fish and chips? I order a pint and dig in. The chips are crispy, the fish is golden. I’m in heaven! But then, this guy at the bar starts chatting me up. He’s all, “You from around here?” I’m like, “Nah, just visiting.” And he goes, “You should move here!” I’m thinking, “Dude, I can barely keep my plants alive.”

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