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What pissed me off? She kept checkin’ her phone—like, oi, I’m here, y’know? Made me wanna screech, *I’m the one who knocks!*—well, not really, but still! Happy bit? She knew tricks—proper tricks, not just the usual. Exaggeratin’ here, but felt like she’s some ninja prossie, vanishin’ after! Hiss! Me precious moment, gone quick.

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First call, some dude from Knocklyon Road. He’s all frantic, like his cat’s gone missing. I’m like, “Bro, it’s a cat, not a kid!” But he’s convinced it’s the end of the world. I mean, I get it, cats are family, but c’mon! I tell him to check under the couch. Spoiler alert: he found it. I’m just glad I didn’t have to send out a search party.

Death Notice of Philda (Philomena) GALLAGHER (née O'Connor) (Knocklyon, Dublin)