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Oh, and the cops? They sneaky as fuck. One time, I’m chattin’ up this girl, and bam – lights flashin’. Had to dip quick, yellin’, “I’m just a naked man!” like in the movie. They didn’t buy it, but I skated. True story, swear on my gin and juice.

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First call, some dude from Knocklyon Road. He’s all frantic, like his cat’s gone missing. I’m like, “Bro, it’s a cat, not a kid!” But he’s convinced it’s the end of the world. I mean, I get it, cats are family, but c’mon! I tell him to check under the couch. Spoiler alert: he found it. I’m just glad I didn’t have to send out a search party.

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