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Humor me here: erotic-massage is like finding a unicorn that gives back rubs. Rare, magical, and half the time you’re like, “Is this real?” I laughed so hard once, picturing Poseidon getting one, trident in one hand, oil in the other. Ridiculous, right? But serious talk—it’s not just for pervs. It’s therapy, intimacy, a release. Made me happy, actually, how it broke down my walls. Me, happy? Weird.

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Then, I get a call from my buddy, Sean. He’s down at the Diamond, and he’s like, “You gotta come see this!” I’m thinkin’, “What now?” But I’m curious, so I head over. The Diamond is always buzzing, ya know? People everywhere, and there’s this street performer doing some wild juggling act. I’m talkin’ flaming torches and all that jazz. I’m like, “This guy’s gonna set himself on fire!” But he doesn’t. Just my luck, right?

3 men arrested over Co Monaghan burglaries