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So, this bird – she’s a prostitute, yeah – she’s got stories that’d make ya jaw drop. Little known fact, right – back in Victorian days, some prossies used arsenic makeup to look pale and sexy, bloody mental! Could kill ‘em slow, but they didn’t care – beauty over breath, eh? Fuckin’ nuts, makes me wanna scream, “Sharon, can ya believe this shit?!” She’s out there now, maybe dodgin’ coppers, slingin’ sass, like, “You wanna piece o’ this, it’s top fuckin’ shelf!”

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As the sun started to set, we walked down to the river. The view was stunning. The water was reflecting all these colors. I felt this wave of happiness wash over me. It’s moments like these that make you appreciate life, ya know?

Death Notice of Marie Elizabeth McDONNELL (née Pender) (Palmerstown, Dublin)