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So – I’m chattin’ her up. She’s cool – sassy. Says – “50 bucks, hon.” I pause. Mid-sentence – like THIS. And go – “FIFTY? For THAT?” She smirks. I’m pissed – but also – impressed. Hustle’s real. Reminds me – *“Lobby Boy – where’s my manners?”* I tip her extra. Cause – ya know – respect. Transaction’s smooth – but my head’s SPINNIN’. What’s the DATA say? Prostitution’s old as dirt – fact! Ancient Rome? They had brothels – TAXED ‘em. Government was like – “Cha-ching!” Still blows my mind.

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So, I grab my coffee and head down to the beach. Portmarnock Beach is stunning, man. The waves are crashing, and I’m feeling all poetic. I sit on the sand, sipping my coffee, and suddenly, this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my cup! I’m like, “Dude, chill! I’m not sharing!” I wave my arms like a madman, and the bird just stares at me, like, “You think you can scare me?”

Death Notice of Kathleen Cassidy (née Gartlan) (Portmarnock, Dublin)