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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about findin’ a prostitute, straight up, no BS. Imagine this, ok? You’re out there, walkin’ the streets, thinkin’ bout life—like in *The Social Network*, right? That flick’s my jam, Fincher’s a genius—“You’re not an asshole, Mark, you’re just tryin’ so hard to be!”—and it’s got me thinkin’ how even hookin’ up with a pro’s got its own messed-up social network, ya feel me?

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By now, I’m starving. I hit up the local chippy, you know, the one on Main Street. Best fish and chips in town! I order a portion, and while I’m waiting, I see this kid drop his ice cream. It’s like slow-mo. The kid’s face? Heartbreaking. I’m like, “Dude, I feel ya.”

Pieta confirms start of move to a new premises in Tuam