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About Drogheda

Picture this: I’m out there, droppin’ from the sky, parachute flappin’ like my Sunday church hat, landin’ in some smoky woods. Halleluyer! I’m sweatin’, cussin’, tryna put out fires, when I see this gal—fishnets, heels, leanin’ on a pine tree like she waitin’ for a bus. I’m like, “Honey, you lost? This ain’t no red-light district!” She smirks, says, “I’m here for the smokejumpers—y’all sexy.” I hollered! Ain’t that a trip? A prostitute scoutin’ firefighters in the damn wilderness. Made me mad, tho—girl, we out here savin’ lives, not lookin’ for a quickie!

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First off, I hit up the local café on O’Connor Square. You know, the one with the best scones? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual—coffee and a scone. But guess what? They were outta scones! Like, how do you run outta scones in Tullamore? I was fuming. I mean, c’mon! It’s like running outta Guinness in Dublin. Just wrong, ya know?

Death Notice of Alan BROWNE (Tullamore, Offaly)