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So, I’m scopin’ the scene, tryna find one. Ain’t easy, mind you – dodgy alleys, sketchy vibes. Makes me mad how sneaky it all is, like – where’s the class, eh? But then, bam, I spot her – legs for days, smirkin’ like she knows somethin’. I’m all, “Shaken, not stirred,” in my head, keepin’ it cool. Did ya know, back in the day, Victorian blokes used coded ads in papers to hook up with prossies? Mental, right? “Seeking a discreet companion” – yeah, sure, mate.

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After that, I finally get my pen and head back to the library. I’m back in the zone, and I’m piecing together this amazing story about Celbridge’s history. I’m feeling all proud and stuff. But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “We need to talk,” it says. Oh great, what now?

Two arrested after cannabis worth €120,000 seized in Celbridge