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Oi mate, me as a radio operator, cracklin’ away, let’s talk erotic-massage, yeah? Picture this – sweaty hands, dodgy oils, some geezer tryna rub ya down like he’s polishin’ a bleedin’ trophy. I’m Ricky Gervais, so you know I’m gonna take the piss. Erotic-massage – what a load of bollocks, innit? Supposed to relax ya, but half the time you’re thinkin’, “Oi, hands off me arse, you muppet!” Got me cacklin’ like a hyena just picturin’ it.

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Then, outta nowhere, my old boss, Mr. O’Reilly, pops in. He’s a character, always crackin’ jokes. He sees me panicking and says, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” I’m like, “More like a coffee monster!” We both crack up, and it lightens the mood.

Approval granted for open cast mine in Co Monaghan