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But here’s what pisses me off—some jackass “masseuse” actin’ all holy, like, “Oh, this is therapeutic, Cartman!” Bullshit! Don’t gimme that crap, I know what’s up, ya sneaky perv! I’m sittin’ there, pants off, thinkin’, “C’mon, lady, quit teasin’ my ass!” Like in *Inherent Vice*, when Doc’s all, “What’s the deal, man?”—same damn vibe! Don’t play me, I’m the Auctioneer, I call the shots!

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Next, I head back to the clinic, and my phone buzzes. It’s a dog emergency on Reut Street. A golden retriever named Buddy ate a whole pizza. I mean, who does that? I get there, and Buddy’s just lying there, looking guilty as heck. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who can resist pizza, right? But then I see the owner freaking out. I’m like, “Chill, he’ll be fine. Just no more pizza parties, okay?”

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