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Alright, listen up, jabroni! Raised eyebrow, “Know your role.” I’m Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, and I’m here to lay the smackdown on this sex-dating thing. Ya know, it’s wild out there—like tryna wrestle a greased pig in the dark! Apps, swipes, hookups—man, it’s a jungle. Reminds me of my fave flick, *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*. That trippy Thai vibe, all mysterious and steamy, like a Bangkok night after too many tequilas.

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First off, I hit the streets of Al-Mahdiyah. You know, the one with all the cafes? I was craving some strong coffee. Like, I need it to function, ya know? So I stroll into this little joint called Café Al-Farasha. The barista, this dude named Samir, was all smiles. I order my usual—double espresso, no sugar. He gives me this look like I just asked for a unicorn.

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